Airlines To Install Deep Fat Fryers On Planes

ATLANTA, GA—US Airways announced Tuesday that they will be installing deep fat fryers in airplanes to accommodate passengers’ healthy appetites.

Representatives said that food consumption has decreased significantly since airlines began charging for in-flight meals.

“Customers go to McDonalds or Sbarro before the flight and bring it [food] on board,” said US Airways Marketing Manager Freda Stubbs. “No one buys the overpriced boxed meals. And the smell of real food makes the other passengers hungry – but not for a bland $8 sandwich and mostly-empty bag of pretzels – they want something fried.”

Customers worried that having open vats of hot oil sloshing about the plane might be a safety issue. This past March two flight attendants were burned during trial runs when their plane hit unexpected turbulence.

“We’ve corrected the problem and can assure our customers that the deep fryers are safe. Unless there’s a crash there shouldn’t be anything to worry about,” officials said.

Customers also worried about the fumes and smell from hot oil and fried foods.

“I don’t want to show up to a business meeting smelling like fried hot wings,” exclaimed one flabbergasted passenger.

The change in menu and associated controversy is nothing new for the airline industry.

“I like fried food and all,” said William Cheedle while waiting to board his food-less flight to Newark, New Jersey, “but I think they’re just trying to fatten people up so that they eventually have to buy two seats instead of one.” He continued, “I mean, most people are already pushing the weight limit. A couple flights per year is all it would take.”

The new menus will be available late this summer and include french fries, hot wings, deep-fried fillet of fish, fried cheese sticks, and fried corn dogs for children.

Fried Oreo cookies will be available for dessert and fried Coke will be added to the drink cart menu.

“Duuuude, that’s awwesome!” slurred a clearly intoxicated passenger headed to Las Vegas, Nevada. “I could totally go for some chicken wings right now!”

Costs for the fried treats will be less than current prices on boxed lunches and dinners, according to airline officials.

Several other airlines are already planning their own fried food program.

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